I want to take a moment here to bring to your attention another horrible disease that affected someone I loved dearly.

Mary Rodifer was like my mom from an alternate reality. I even called her Mom. She was short like me, had my coloration (brown hair, brown eyes) she looked a lot like me when she was younger, our attitudes and personalities were similar, I even wear her wedding band.

In September of 2005 she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma to be exact.  This is not the type of breast cancer where you find a lump while your in the shower.  IDC is the type of cancer that invades your body and takes over other parts of it before you have a clue there is something wrong. In Mary’s case the skin on her breast more resembled an orange peel than human skin, and the lymph node under her left armpit was the size of a chicken’s egg.

Mary’s problem was discovered during a mammogram.  This proves how important it is to get routine physical exams.  She had not had this exam in 25 years.

After the mammogram they did a biopsy of the diseased tissue to determine the extent of the problem and confirmed the cancer diagnosis.  She was immediately put in touch with a surgeon and an oncologist.

Mary started chemotherapy in late November.  I remember clearly when she started losing her hair too.  We were going over to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and Mary was brushing her hair.  When chunks of it came off with the brush she started to cry.  We almost didn’t even go to dinner.

Our friend Dorothy is a cancer survivor, she had colon cancer, and we knew she would be good medicine for Mom.

Chemotherapy was hard on her.  She took it well though.  These sessions lasted anywhere from 1-4 hours depending on the nurses and which treatments she got on any given week.  Fortunately she only had to go once a week.

When it comes to cancers that require removal of a body part you have to healthy enough to handle the surgery.  By March Mom was showing a lot of improvement.  The evidence of cancer on the skin had nearly gone and her lymph node was about half the size it was.

She was scheduled for a mastectomy, and went through it like a champ.  Surgery is frightening, no matter how many times you go through it.  Her left breast was removed along with that big lymph node under her left armpit.

She continued chemotherapy after that for another two months.  We moved Mom upstairs to be closer to us and to the bathroom.  In mid July life would change forever, again.

Ted went up the stairs to see if Mom wanted anything from the store, since she’d been sleeping constantly for about two days we figured she would want something.  I heard a tone in his voice I want to NEVER hear again.

“COME UP HERE!!!” He hollered down the stairs.  When someone uses that tone of voice you know instantly they need you with no questions asked.

Mary had a number of problems, the most painful of which according to her was the neuropathy in her feet.  This condidtion is common in diabetics.  It causes great pain in the feet and sometimes the hands.  Her feet were so sensitive she could not walk around the house barefoot.

When I got to the top of the stairs Ted was hollering her name, nudging her shoulder, anything he could to get her to respond to him.  We could hear her breathing very loudly so we knew she was alive, but she would not wake up.  I grabbed her right foot and squeezed, poked, tickled, slapped, anything.  She didn’t twitch, it was time to call 911.

At the hospital Mary proved how tough a lady she truly was.  The emergency room staff were able to bring her around, and needed a temperature… a CORE temperature.  Once Mary figured this out, the nearest nurse was the recipient of a blow to the face.  We saw her come out from behind the curtain holding her face.  I look back now, and its not so funny, but at the time it was a bright spot.  Mom was alive, and if not kicking, she was punching.

The end was near, we were instructed to call the family.  Tim, Tammy, and Robert all were at the hospital by the following morning.  Impressive considering Tim was in Tennessee, and Tammy and Robert were in California when we called.

Mary was returned home with a hospital bed, and an oxygen machine as well as in-home hospice care.  A nurse would come out once a day to check on her condition and medication needs.  Everything else was handled by the rest of us in the house.  Tammy, Robert, myself, and Ted.  Tim was unable to stay because of business obligations back in Tennessee.

Ted and I had been with Mom from day one of diagnosis, so we had started our grieving process almost a year before the end came.  Tammy and Robert however, were thrown into this head first.  They both deserve a lot of credit for their ability to maintain level heads during this time.  Tammy was at Mom’s bedside from the moment she came home from the hospital.  Robert had worked in a nursing home so knew a lot of how to take care of a bed ridden person.  How to change the sheets, help with medicine distribution and things like that.

Ted and I did what we could, but with Robert’s experience, and Tammy’s better eyesight Mary received much better care than Ted and I could have given her alone.

For the first week Mary was back home she was pretty alert.  Laughing, crying, talking, watching TV.  It was clear however that the end was very close.  Every day she got worse.  The final week she was virtually comatose., partially thanks to the heavy pain medication  she was taking.

The end came on July 25, 2006.  Tammy was sitting with Mary singing to her when Mary took a big breath, looked at Tammy and….

Now, Mary has reserved a mansion for all of us in Heaven.  She will be missed on Earth.  Her caring nature, great sense of humor, and all around goodness, but her friends and family are comforted by knowing where she is, and knowing she is watching over them.